This Is My Now
by Sasha.Rizzoli
Summary: Olivia is sick and tired of putting her dreams on hold and Elliot manages to push her too far. What happens? Can everything be solved before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thanks to my wonderful beta as usual. I know it's yet another story but I want to see how you all like this 1st chapter before I continue it. So I will only continue if I get at least 8 reviews. Please read and review. This chapter is for ****PaceyW'sgirl.**

******Disclaimer: Own nothing.**

For 7:54 in the morning the Special Victims squad room of the 16th precinct was already teeming with life as Detective Second Grade Olivia Benson wearily walked in to the bullpen to start Friday's day of work. It had been a very long week and Olivia was exhausted both physically and mentally. Not just from working but also due to her partner's aggressive verbal outbursts directed straight at her and her patience was becoming dangerously thin.

She looked over toward her desk after locking her purse up safely in her locker. Her hot headed partner was already at his desk working on a file and looked just about as shitty as she felt.

Olivia sighed as she sat down and went to say 'good morning' but Elliot looked up and spoke up first.

The brunette could see the big black bags underneath his dejected blue eyes.

"Liv, could we please talk up on the rooftop?"

The junior partner nodded and stood up from her black leather chair. "Sure, El."

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The two detectives were standing on the precinct's rooftop and no words had been spoken yet, so Olivia decided to express her concern.

"El, I'm worried about you. What's going on? I know for a fact that you have been sleeping up in the cribs all week and that you look like crap."

Elliot turned and looked at his beautiful partner beside him. Anger had now overpowered the dejection in his blue orbs.

"Kathy asked for a divorce," he snarled.

"Oh, El, I'm so sorry. Did...did she say why she wanted a divorce?" she asked softly, her voice genuinely sympathetic.

Out of anger, Elliot lost control and didn't realize what he was doing. He grabbed his younger female partner roughly by the shoulders, so she couldn't move her arms and shoved her in to an air conditioner vent, causing her to whimper in pain as her ribs collided with the metal. She was scared of her best friend for the first time ever, which she didn't think was ever possible.

"You! You are the real reason my wife wants a divorce! You ruined my marriage!" he yelled and squeezed her shoulders really hard.

Olivia tried to hold back threatening tears as she whimpered in pain. "Ow! Elliot, you're hurting me."

As if something clicked in the detective's brain, he let go of the woman's shoulders and instantly felt bad. "L...Liv, I'm --"

Olivia put her hand up in front of her and shook her head. "No. No. Just...Don't," she warned, trying to keep the emotions out of her voice, trying her hardest to keep it steady.

"Liv!" He tried once more but the brunette shook her head and opened up the door.

"Leave me alone, Stabler," she growled before rushing down the stairs back down to the squad room.

Calling him by his last name was never a good sign.

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The brunette rushed back in to the squad room and was glad Fin and Munch were out on call as she made her way to Captain Cragen's closed office.

She softly rapped on the door and waited for a positive response from her commanding officer before opening the door.

As soon as the detective entered the small, immaculate office, Cragen knew that something was terribly wrong.

"What's going on, Olivia?"

"I want a new partner," she started and watched the captain's jaw drop. "But for now, I need the day off."

Don sighed and rubbed the back of his stiff, tired neck. "Ok, Olivia. Take today and tomorrow. Get some rest, you look like you need it."

"Thank you, Captain," she replied and walked out.

Olivia groaned inwardly when she saw Elliot sitting at his desk waiting for her to come out of Cragen's office.

"Liv, please hear me out," he begged her as she made her way to her locker to collect her purse. "Liv!"

"Stabler! My office now!" Cragen came to the rescue, producing a sigh of relief from Benson as she grabbed her purse out of it's steel confinement.

Elliot took one last look at Olivia as she closed up her locker before heading in to the commanding officer's office.

"Yes, Captain?" He asked as he closed the door behind him to provide them with some privacy.

"What just happened between you and your partner up on the rooftop?"

"Ahh...Just a disagreement, sir," he lied to his superior officer, not wanting to tell him that he had become violent toward her.

Cragen shook his head. "I know that you're lying, Detective. Go do some paperwork. You're on ass duty today and tomorrow."

"Sir, I request a couple hours off to talk to Liv."

"Request denied, detective. See her after work."

"But Captain."

Cragen shook his head. "No. Get to work."

Elliot sighed, trying to keep his anger at bay. "Fine," he huffed and stormed out of the office back to his desk.

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Olivia walked out of the building and flagged down the first taxi that she saw approaching. She opened the back passenger door and got in.

"364 East 92nd Street please," she gave the driver her address.

"Yes, Ma'am," the young man replied and pulled away from the curb.

The female detective watched the quick passing scenery as she dwelled on her life. She was sick and tired of putting her emotions and her dreams on the backburner. It was her time to be selfish. Take care of herself.

The cabbie's voice brought Olivia out of her musing. "That will be 40.81, ma'am."

The brunette pulled 45 out of her purse and handed it to the man before opening the car door. "Thank you. Keep the change."

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That night, Olivia was lying on the couch in a blanket, listening to an old jazz record, which used to be her mother's favourite. There was a half filled wine glass on the coffee table, just sitting there. She'd had a few drinks but she was no way near drunk. Her plan wasn't to get drunk, just to loosen up a bit.

A tap on the apartment door brought Olivia out of her light doze. She groaned as she slowly got up before heading toward the door.

The brunette looked through the peephole and cursed when she saw Elliot on the other side.

"Go away, Elliot."

"I'll use my key, if I have to, Olivia," Elliot said adamantly.

Olivia groaned and opened up the door. "Fine. But you listen to what I have to say first."

Elliot gulped and nodded, so Olivia reluctantly let him in.

He closed the door behind him and sat in the arm chair near the wall to the right of the couch, which was where Olivia was sitting.

Olivia ran a hand through her long caramel tresses. "First of all, I'm sick and tired of being used as your emotional boxing bag, Elliot," she started and saw him open his mouth. "Shut your trap and listen, I'm not finished. I'm sick of putting my emotions and my dreams on the backburner. This is my now. It's my turn to be selfish for once and I'm going to take this opportunity to do that...You have till noon on Sunday to convince me why I should stay here, otherwise I'm leaving and not looking back," she informed him.

Elliot's jaw dropped in shock. Would Olivia really leave? "That's only thirty-nine hours, Olivia."

Olivia shrugged her shoulders and picked up the glass of wine. "I don't care. This is about me. Not you."

Elliot nodded, sadly and stood up. "I...I got to go," he said and rushed out of the apartment.

Olivia took a sip of her wine and arched her head back on the top of the couch, to look up at the white ceiling above her. She finally let the tears, which had been threatening to fall all day, flow freely. Olivia didn't want to leave her home, her job, the squad or the man that she desperately loved behind but her sanity depended on it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here is the next chapter. I hope you like it. Next update after I reach 19 reviews, please read and review. No flames, they will be ignored.**

**Disclaimer: Own nothing except the nurse.**

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Olivia woke up the next morning and walked in to the bathroom tiredly. She hadn't had much sleep yet again and was in desperate need of a steaming hot shower to wake her up.

The brunette turned on the taps and made sure that the temperature of the streaming water was hot enough before beginning to strip out of her silk red and black pyjamas in front of the mirror. Olivia gasped at the brusing on her shoulders, that resembled her partner's hands. He'd squeezed her so hard that the bruising was so dark, it was pitch black.

"Oh God," she whimpered as she ran her hand softly over the brusing on her left shoulder.

Elliot had never physically hurt her before and it was still a shock that he had actually done that now.

It got to the point where Olivia couldn't stand to look at herself in the mirror anymore. She felt ashamed that she had let the man that she secretly loved hurt her and didn't do a damn thing to stop him, she had just stood there and let him do it.

Out of frustration, Olivia's right fist clenched up tightly, it then flew up and collided with the bathroom mirror before she could even think about it. Large shards of mirrored glass fell in to the bathroom sink as Olivia vented her anger, frustration and pain in a loud growl.

The brunette looked down at her right hand. Her knuckles were pouring out with blood. She'd cut them up pretty badly.

"Shit," she cursed in a murmur as she quickly and tightly wrapped a hand towel around her hand to slow down the bleeding until she could get to a hospital. Olivia just wanted to have a shower first.

The detective quickly showered and dressed in a baggy grey NYPD t-shirt, grey sweat pants and just a simple pair of black flip-flops. She then caught a cab to the closest hospital.

That was two hours ago and she was still sitting in the waiting room, waiting to be called in. Olivia was sitting there, bored, just watching people walk in and out of the busy Mt Sinai Medical Center Emergency Department. In a flow of people entering, the brunette noticed Elliot and Fin. She held her breath, hoping that two of her co-workers didn't notice her sitting there in the jam-packed waiting room. Unfortunately for the brown eyed detective, they did see her and slowly approached.

"Hey, baby girl. What happened to your hand?" Fin asked, seeing her bandaged up hand with blood seeping through the white cotton.

Olivia looked down at her hand and back up at Fin before shrugging her shoulders, like it was nothing. "It's nothing, Fin," she replied with a small fake smile.

"Liv, can we talk please?" Elliot butted in, almost begging.

Fin spoke up before Olivia needed to, since he caught sigh of the glare tht she was giving her partner. "Come on, Elliot, we gotta interview the vic. Just remember that you are only with me 'cause Munch is out sick, man. See you later, Liv," Fin said and pulled the handsome blue eyed detective away with him.

"Bye, Fin."

"Liv!" Elliot called out.

Olivia sighed and rolled her eyes at the persistence of Stabler, but luckily a nurse came to her rescue by calling her name out.

"Olivia Benson?"

Olivia got up from the chair, saying, "yes," before following the short, young, dark brown haired, brown eyed nurse in to a curtained off area.

"Have a seat on the bed, Miss Benson. Doctor O'Neal will be with you in a minute."

The brunette sat down on the bed and nodded. "Thank you," she replied and watched the nurse walk away, sliding the curtain closed behind her.

Olivia hated hospitals, so the quicker she got out, the better.

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Forty minutes and six stitches in her hand later, Olivia was heading out of the still very busy hospital, when she felt a very familiar, strong, long, thick fingers close around her slender wrist, successfully stopping her from walking away.

"Olivia," the voice spoke softly.

Olivia turned around and looked in to those gorgeous cerulean blues. She could see the love and the fear that he was going to lose her for good this time, in his eyes.

"Liv, you said that you'd allow me to convince you that you should stay. How can I do that if you won't let me talk to you?" He asked, hurt, that she wasn't giving him a chance to change her mind about leaving her home, her job, her co-workers. Her life. His life.

The brunette bit her bottom lip as she considered what Elliot had just said to her. _'Should I? Or shouldn't I?' _

A moment later, the female detective sighed and licked her lips. "Ok, Elliot. Come to my apartment about eight tonight and you will have my undivided attention, so you better make it good," she told him. "Now get back to work. I have some things I need to do at home, that I haven't had time for."

Elliot nodded, in understanding. "Thanks, Olivia. I'll see you tonight."

"Mm-hm," Olivia replied, uninterested and walked out to catch the next avaliable taxi.

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Elliot walked back to Fin, whom had been around the corner, listening to the conversation. He had hated the idea but decided that if something bad happened that it was on Elliot. He was a big boy and could handle himself. Fin also knew that no matter how much Olivia liked his big brother like protection, she'd hate it if he did it too often or went too far and he'd end up getting some of the anger she felt toward Stabler.

Fin shook his head at Elliot. "You're one lucky bastard, you know that, Stabler. I was actually expecting her to totally go off her head at you," he said with a laugh.

Elliot smirked. "She can't resist me. She'll stay."

"Man, you're fooling yourself. She's already left two times and both were because of you. What makes you think she won't leave again this time?"

"If she goes, I know that she'll come back again. She'll miss me too much," Elliot replied more to himself then Fin. He was trying to believe himself.

Fin shook his head again, in disbelief. "If you think so. We gotta head back to the station."

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Eight o'clock came quickly and found Olivia sitting cross legged on her couch, with a glass of whiskey in hand. It was only her second drink, since she decided not to be drunk when Elliot came over.

The sound of the intercom buzzer startled the brunette out of her though. She knew that it was her partner, so she took a moment to prepare herself as she stood before heading over to the intercom and pressed the answer button.

"Yes?"

"Liv, it's Elliot."

Olivia sighed and buzzed him in. "Come up," she replied and went back to the couch.

A minute later, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in, Elliot. It's unlocked," she called out.

The blue eyed detective slowly opened the door, walked in and softly closed it behind him. "Liv?"

"Come on, Elliot. Time's wasting, hurry up.," she said with her back to him, from the couch.

Elliot nervously approached slowly and sat down on the coffee table, in front of her. He looked at her up and down. She was comfortably dressed in a pair of silky black pyjamas and her hair was wet and freshly washed.

"Stop staring at me, Elliot. What are in the bags?" She spoke sternly, eyeing the paper bags on each side of him.

Elliot lifted up the left bag, "your favourite Chinese meal," he said and put it back down, lifting up the right. "Your favourite chocolate."

The brown eyed female detective furrowed her eyebrows at the man sitting in front of her. "You think briding me with my favourite Chinese and my favourite chocolate is going to get me to stay?!" She asked and stood up. "Unbelievable," Olivia muttered and started to pace around the living room. "You have sixteen hours left. You can go now."

Stabler stood up with a defeated sigh and looked at Olivia, who was still pacing around the room. "Liv..."

"Go! Please....Just go," the brunette practically begged before going in to her bedroom and shutting the door behind her.

Elliot bowed his head and walked out of the apartment, making sure the door locked behind him.

He didn't have much time left to convince the love of his life to stay.


End file.
